Kudoku Kiku Jyanakute
by The Dangerous One
Summary: Summary: In which Ronald gets drunk and ends up spewing  verbally  about his final exam at the Shinigami Academy. First fic, so be nice!  o  Rated for Ronny's drinking game and because I'm paranoid  . "


Summary: In which Ronald gets drunk and ends up spewing (verbally) about his final exam at the Shinigami Academy. First fic, so be nice! ^o^

A.N. Hey, guys! So, I was listening to the Kuro character songs and when I saw the English lyrics for Kudoku Kiku Jyanakute (Ronald Knox character song, which I don't own) I got the idea for this one-shot. First fic, so no flames or general bitchiness (please). No warnings. Enjoy!  
>Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my OC.<p>

Yep, parties with Ronald always seemed to end up with a drinking contest. It was as inevitable as the changing of the seasons. It always happened.  
>Tonight's party was no exception.<br>There was something different about tonight, though. Ronald was at a local all-species bar with Eric, Alan, and Grell, when he decided that now would be the perfect time to start a game. With his friends' help, Ronald managed to rope a several demons, an angel, and a few brave humans into having a drinking contest with him, Grell, and Eric. Since it was dangerous for Alan to be drinking, he usually was a referee of sorts, telling people to go before they passed out.  
>It wasn't long before Alan told the angel to leave, and the humans soon followed. It was looking like it would be a three-way tie between Ronald, Eric, and a demon who only identified himself as 'S.M.' Well anyway, usually Ronald or Grell won these types of contests, mainly because they could both drink like fish, but tonight this 'S.M.' was beating them badly. Whoever he was, this guy was certainly not your average demon. Grell was already out; he had collapsed in some corner while talking to an equally plastered Eric. Yep, this was definitely going to be one of those nights. After some time, 'S. M.' paid Alan for his share of the many drinks he downed, and left, putting on a long black overcoat as he left.<br>Alan sighed, payed the bartender for the drinks, and dragged Ronald to the back where Grell and Eric were. "You know...I was at a...a...thingy like this...what is the thing we're in called...? A bar. That's what it was called then. I ended up in a bar during my final exam, you know...?" Ronald said, slurring his words. "Really?" Alan asked, as he sat Ronald upright next to the now sleeping Eric and a not breathing Grell, but knowing Grell, he was probably asleep as well. "Yeah. It went like this..." Ronald said, remembering that day.  
>*Beginning of Flashback*<br>It was a lively night in The Barking Spider that night. One of the usual customers, a Miss Enola Gunness, had just gotten her paycheck from her job at the Sarriette Bakery. It had been a stressful week, and Enola felt like getting drunk would help her forget her troubles. She came up to the bar, saying "I'll have my usual, James." to the bartender. He made up her 'usual', a [insert the name of a drink here; I don't know any; I'm underage :D] and handed it to her. She said her thanks, paid him for the drink, and went off to a booth near the back. Enola had been there for only a few minutes before a young man came in. for some reason, Enola was certain that she had seen him before. With his yellow on top, black on bottom hair, he was hart to forget. He came up to the bar, ordered a beer, paid, and looked around for somewhere to sit. He cought Enola's eye through his thick glasses, and he came over. "Would you mind terribly if I sat with you for a while? I'm waiting for a few mates to come, but they might be a while." Well, at least he was polite. And he was handsome, too. "Of course." Enola replied, and the strange man sat down across from her. "I'm Ronald, by the way. Ronald Knox." he said, extending a hand for her to shake. She did so, saying "Enola Gunness. It's nice to meet you, Mr. Knox." Ronald smiled, saying "Please, call me Ronald." Enola smiled back. This 'Ronald' had a kind of irresistible charm, and within a half hour, they were both laughing like they were old friends. Of course, their finished drinks had added to their happiness, and helped them along, socially. (A.N. Ronny isn't drunk, just buzzed. In my imagination he already has a pretty high alcohol tolerance from student parties. XD) "So what do you do?" Enola asked, interested. Ronald had talked about his boss, a stuffy-sounding man called 'William T. Spears', crazy co-workers, and office parties. Apparently, there were lots of parties. Due to Ronald's playboy personality, Enola wasn't surprised that it seemed he went to every single one of them. "Technically, I don't work there yet, I'm still in training." Ronald replied with an air of confidentiality. "I still have to pass my final exam, and everybody says that it's really hard, but I think it'll be a piece of cake!" "What is the exam about? What do you have to do?" Enola asked, curious. "You must be really smart to think that something is easy when everybody else says that it's hard." she complimented. What was this exam? "It's a series of them, really. There's a written, practical, and ethics part to it. All I have to do is finish the practical exam, and I'm in!" he replied. After a few pointed questions, Ronald was starting to get nervous. His target was getting too curious for her own good, and he couldn't beat around the bush forever. 'Maybe I should just tell her' Ronald thought. 'She's going to die in a week anyway. It might just depress her and she'll die early. I'm pretty sure that Wolfgang-sensei warned us that the death date might change anyway. Anyway, I have to tell her _something_.'  
>Ronald leaned closer to Enola, as if he was about to tell her something that nobody else should hear. "Can you keep a secret?" he asked. 'Does Ronald do <em>anything<em> that isn't mysterious in some way?' Enola thought. She nodded. "Of course. You can tell me anything." she confirmed. What did he do that was so mysterious, so confidential that people who knew about it had to be sworn to secrecy? "Since this is a big secret, you have to promise to forget what I'm going to say after I say it, okay?" Ronald said, outwardly nervous now. "I promise, now what is it?" Enola asked, getting impatient. "_You only have seven days left to live."_ Those eight words struck terror into her heart. "W-what?" "_No matter how much you ask me, I cannot change what's on my list." _ "But why do you know this? How? And what list?" Enola asked. "This better not be a joke." "One: It's my job-or it's going to be. Two, I was told by my superiors. Three: A list of death. And I'm afraid it isn't a joke. You really do only have a week left to live." Ronald replied with such a convincing deadpan expression that despite herself, Enola believed him. "Why? Why do I have to die?" "_I don't know. I'll just wait quietly, and then judge your soul. I suggest that you use your limited time wisely. There must be a lot of unfinished business that you still want to finish, right?"_ (A.N. When Ronald talks in italics, I imagine that his eyes would become colder and he would seem more like the stereotypical Death) Ronald shook his head quickly, so it looked like a cross between a spasm and a shiver. "Are you all right? From the way you look right now...are you in a state of shock? You're quite pale." Indeed, Enola looked like death warmed over, but she wasn't ready to give up on life just yet. She stood up, shaking with fear. 'I can't believe that I actually believed this creep' she thought to herself. "I won't thank you for this disturbing conversation. You should know it isn't nice to frighten a lady. Good evening, Mr. Knox." Enola said coldly as she left. It was apparent that he spent a lot of time around women from his conversation, calling her 'babe' and 'honey'. She had thought that he was a gentleman near the start of their conversation. She must have been wrong.  
>Ronald stayed sitting for a while after his target had left. According to her file, Enola Gunness was due to die seven days from today because of severe blood loss obtained from a gunshot wound to the back. Ronald had been observing her for nearly a month, and he was certain that her existence would not change the course of human society, so he pulled out a stamp and ink pad from inside his jacket and stamped the file complete. He would reap her soul in a week, and he would pass the exam.<br>A week later, Enola was walking home from work at the Royal Hope Hospital when she heard gunshots quickly followed by a horrible scream. Because she was a nurse, Enola ran towards the noise, thinking she could help the victim. Above her, Ronald was following by jumping from rooftop to rooftop. From his vantage point, Ronald could see everything. He could see how Enola was shot down for 'trying to interfere'. He could see the injured would-be victim crawl away into the shadows, and he saw the murderer run away from the scene.  
>Ronald jumped down from the roof, landing in front of Enola. He leaned down and smiled at her, as if to say 'I told you so'. She looked up at the reaper, a flash of recognition in her eyes. "You...you were...right. Just...who...are you?" Ronald straightened up, and the moonlight glinted off his glasses. "I'm a grim reaper." he replied. Ronald took out his trainee scythe and stabbed Enola in the stomach with it. Swirls of cinematic record came out of the wound, and Ronald's hair was blown back by the wind it created. After about half a minute of fighting Enola's cinematic record, Ronald managed to reap her soul, and she died. The last words of Enola Gunness were "I hope you passed."<br>*End of Flashback*  
>"You approached your target?" Alan asked incredulously. "Wow. I never would have been able to. I'd probably get sentimental and not be able to reap them." "Yeah." Ronald replied. He was pretty hammered, and that was the only coherent thing that Alan got out of him for the rest of the evening.<p>

**Author's Note: **OK, guys, good? Bad? Somewhere in the middle? Let me know! I am open to constructive criticism, but no flaming, please! Sorry for the bad ending, I didn't know how to end it. If you have a better idea, click the magic button and tell me in a review!

S.M. is everybody's favorite demon, Sebastian Michaelis. Yay Sebby!  
>The Barking Spider is a real pub in Cleveland, Ohio. I looked it up. Really.<br>Enola is alone spelled backwards. There was a girl named Enola in a Sherlock Holmes spin-off novel that I read around 5 years ago, and it stuck with me.  
>Gunness is the last name of American serial killer Belle Gunness. She lived from 1859-1908 and committed her murders in LaPorte, Indiana. For more information, go to the Wikipedia article on Belle Gunness.<br>The Sarriette Bakery is stolen from another fan fiction: The Legendary Pie Bird. Check it out. It's really good.


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